Guys, Michael Bolton is here

Oh, great, send him in

Hey, guys!

Hey!

Hi! Thanks for coming!

Sorry I'm late - I just got caught up watching the Pirates of the Caribbean marathon

Have you seen those things?

Oh, yeah, yeah those are - those are great

Well, I checked out the track, and I loved it

And I wrote you this big, sexy hook I think you're gonna really dig

Oh, wow, that's great! (Awesome!)

Should we just lay it down?

Boys, let's get to it (to it, to it)

Ugh, Lonely Island, Michael Bolton (yeah!)

The night starts now

Together on the track, the boys are back

The night starts now

Night starts now, baby roll with us

Chickens snapping at the neck when we rollin' up (rollin' up!)

Blow through the doors, ain't no holdin' up (yeah)

Black card at the bar like I gives a fuck (come on)

Ladies shifty-eyed when we walk into the set

Fuck the fellas looking jealous play the back and get wet (yeah, yeah!)

Three pound in my waist, shank in my sock

You either get cut, get stuffed or get shot

This is the tale of Captain Jack Sparrow

Pirate so brave on the seven seas (what?)

A mystical quest to the isle of Tortuga

Raven locks sway on the ocean breeze

Yeah, that was kinda weird, but we're back in the club

Buying up the bar, so the groupies show us love (Kiera Knightly)

Motherfucking ice-man, I'm the top gunner

Heater on blast, I'm the number one stunner (Jack Sparrow)

Watch it girl 'cause I ain't your "Mr. Nice Guy"

More like the "meet ya take you home and fuck you twice guy" (yeah, yeah!)

All dressed up with nowhere to run

And now I make you feel crazy with the-

Now back to the good part

From the day he was born, he yearned for adventure (no)

Old Captain Jack giving them what for

He's the pauper of the surf (yeah, uh-huh)

The jester of Tortuga (oh God)

But is Davy Jones' locker, what lies in store?

Yeah, we've seen the movie

Throw your hands in the air and say hell yeah, come on

Captain Jack (what?), Johnny Depp (no)

From the front to the back, say we count stacks, come on

Davy Jones (nope), Giant Squid (wrong)

Michael Bolton, we're really gonna need you to focus up

Roger that, let me try it with another film

Wait

Life is a box of chocolates and my name is Forrest Gump (not better)

Though I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed

I give Jenny all of my love (come on!)

Okay, then I'm legal aide, Erin Brockovich is my name (no, God)

Then you can call me Scarface, snortin' mountains of cocaine (close enough)

You cockroaches wanna play rough? Okay, I'm reloaded

This is the tale of Tony Montana (this is the tale!)

Cubano flame, with the Miami nuts (take it home!)

Got a basehead wife, but her womb is polluted

This whole town's a pussy

Just waiting to get fucked! (No), just waiting to get fucked!

Okay, turns out Michael Bolton is a major cinephile

You complete me

Yup, yeah, okay